You will be forced to make a choice
Your choice will affect the rest of your life
...the reality is that even casual pornography consumption has the power to change ideas and attitudes. When that happens, changes to behavior aren’t far behind.
We live in a sex saturated society of which pornography plays a big part. Porn has never been so easy in all of history for all ages to obtain. Porn use has become normalized with some calling it 'free expression' while others are calling it a 'global pandemic'.
- Material (such as books or a photograph) that depicts erotic behavior and is intended to cause sexual excitement. (merriam-webster.com dictionary) A picture of a person with no clothes is not necessarily pornography eg a picture showing medical problems is not aiming to achieve a sexual response from you.
- Softcore porn
- Typically contains nude or semi-nude actors involved in love scenes, and is intended to be sexually arousing and aesthetically beautiful. (Wikipedia) Music videos, cartoons, outdoor advertising and video games often unexpectantly contain softcore porn.
- Hardcore porn
- Typically shows sex in a very detailed way, or shows very violent or unpleasant sex. (collinsdictionary.com) Some video games and cartoons unexpectantly contain hardcore porn.
- Inciting, provoking or stirring up a sexual response.
- Violate (another person)
- infringe, defile, encroach, take what is not yours
- Devoted to, or tending to arouse sexual love or desire (merriam-webster.com)
- Street names
- Smut, dirty pictures, pornos, scat, skin flick, spank, X-rated, girlie mag, pr0n ...and lots of others....
- All the boys at school look at pornography a lot.
- Guys are called 'gay' if they don't have porn on their cellphone.
- I'm afraid of being called 'gay' if I don't share porn with the others.
- Friends have been called 'frigid' for not using pornography.
- Boys use pornography to test whether they or a friend is 'gay' or 'straight'.
- Masturbation is much better using pornography.
- A man told me 'a normal boy at my age should be into womens' underwear catalogs and Playboy magazines'.
- Everywhere I go I have soft porn thrown at me (sex sells).
Porn turns you on?
Males are easily aroused by what they see. That is why sexual images are so enticing to teenage and adult males. If you have a desire and are drawn towards the beauty of another person's body - then you are normal! The problem comes when you 'jump the gun' and try to fulfill that desire through porn, instead of forming a long term relationship to satisfy your sexual desires.
If you are turned on by pornography, then it shows that everything is in place and working fine with your mind and body! The 'glue' that will bond you to your future wife is in place and waiting for the time when you marry and enjoy a fulfilling sexual relationship. The Bible encourages that connection:
....may her (your wife's) breasts satisfy you always, may you ever be captivated by her love.
If you accidentally see pornography, it is usually not a problem, even if the image excited you - just learn to bounce your eyes away from it rather than linger and absorb the image.
What's the harm?
The short term pleasure obtained from pornography with masturbation doesn't stop the long term and silent detrimental effects. (The same as a smoker obtaining short term pleasure from cigarettes is contributing to a long term health problem that will eventually extract a high price)Pornography will:
- Take you further into it than you intended to go.
- Cost you more than you intended (personally and financially)
- Addict you very quickly and silently which you might not appreciate until you try to quit.
Dr Dobson (Focus on the Family) says that pornography is enticing, progressive and destructive. Over time the pornography needs to be more graphic and more perverse to get the same initial 'high' that came when the guy first started using porn.
The person eventually needs to 'cross over' into complete sexual perversion to continue getting these sexual highs. This can involve violating others to gratify himself in his sexual perversion!At this point the guy is trapped:
- He can't go back because the addiction to pornography is so strong.
- He needs to violate others to gratify his sexual cravings.
MTV, video games
MTV and some video games often contain soft porn designed to attract teenage boys. The characters might have some clothes on, but the images are designed to sexually arouse you - that makes it pornography. The industry itself calls many of their offerings pornography - hence the MA15+ rating in many countries!
The reason they do this? Simply to make money from you! They know there is a strong mental connection between something that arouses you sexually and the source that turned you on - in this case association with a particular song and video clip (or game) and the marketing associated with it.
With MTV, games and all pornography in general, you are being used and manipulated by multinational companies that make billions of dollars each year from exploiting this desire. They are manipulating your strongest desire (sexual desire designed to glue you to another person in marriage) and turning it into money. Because it feels so good to you, they don't even have to work hard at it. They don't care about your life later on.
The other problem for you is that you get your sexual turn-on from images that are not real people. Real people can never live up to those images and so you are painting yourself into a corner that will be hard to get out of when you want a real relationship. It is up to you to realize what is happening and go against the society flow and quit. Keep the big picture for your life in mind.
Pamela Anderson warns!
Star of Baywatch and Playboy cover model 14 times, Pamela admits 'she is part of the problem'. news.com.au article
...but hardcore porn is more damaging. “I’m concerned the world is going to forget how to make love. Viagra is going crazy, because people can’t get aroused by their wives any more. Women have said to me, ‘my husband hasn’t touched me in four years, because he’s in the basement watching porn’. It’s an addiction.”
... that porn has a “corrosive effect on a man’s soul and on his ability to function as a husband, and by extension, as father.” “This is a public hazard of unprecedented seriousness given how freely available, anonymously accessible and easily disseminated pornography is nowadays,” the pair continued. “How many families will suffer? How many marriages will implode? How many talented men will scrap their most important relationships and careers for a brief onanistic thrill?” But the duo didn’t end there.
They also warned that children raised in the current digital environment will “become adults inured to intimacy and in need of even greater graphic stimulation. They are the crack babies of porn.” So how to address this? According to Anderson and Boteach, “We must educate ourselves and our children to understand that porn is for losers — a boring, wasteful and dead-end outlet for people too lazy to reap the ample rewards of healthy sexuality.”
From a wife
My husband and I got married when we were 19. Young and in love. We had issues on our wedding night!!! Now I know why!
When we had only been married for 2 months, and had only made love twice, I questioned what was wrong. I was so confused. That's when he admitted to having magazines! I couldn't believe it. Now, I'll be honest, we had slept together before we got married. It was wrong. I know, but we did it anyway. So you can imagine my shock when he admitted to the magazines.
So, I am living proof. At 19 years old, after who knows how many years of this stuff, he couldn't handle a real life woman on his wedding night. How sad! Please, from the wife's point of view, consider what you are doing. While it seems harmless now, it will really hurt your wife later.
Christian 'soft' porn cannot be good for a teenager discovering his sexuality. Porn is never a balanced teacher.
Some christian 'soft' porn websites are not christian at all and are actually a front for normal porn sites designed to suck you in. Even supposedly genuine christian 'soft' porn websites quickly attract a myriad of hard-core porn teaser suggestions.
Comments from others
Problems readers mentioned include becoming desensitized to milder cues to sexual arousal, having unrealistic expectations of physical characteristics for oneself or others, and having increasing difficulty achieving orgasm. (3)
...hardcore porn is dangerous when it sets up women as no more than a man's playthings, devoted to his pleasure. That's not the way the world works, and this view could *severely* hamper your relationships....
I have found that too much dependence on pornography lessens my ability to enjoy real-world erotic stimulation, like thinking about my girlfriend.
[Pornography] left me with a burning desire to have "impossible" women whom I could never be with. I also remember looking at pictures of men whom I thought were more attractive than I was, as I masturbated to the thought of actually being them instead of myself. This left me with an overwhelming desire to look like other guys, an inferiority complex, depression, and homosexual feelings.
I've been looking at porn on the Internet, and it's made me think about sex in a very unhealthy way. What I have noticed is a need to escalate the "dirtiness" of the pictures to get the same level of arousal as before, like needing to use more drugs to get the same high.
...one of my friends uses it all the time -- at least every 2 days. He is starting to get bored with the idea of sex and girls. He says porn has desensitized him to the fun of sexual thoughts and acts.
For a long time I used hardcore videos and pictures for stimulation. I began to have problems becoming aroused .... I had to stay away from porn for over a year to return to normal sexual stimulation. Pornography can become like a drug -- you need it to feel OK.
Magazines and videos can create a perception of sex focusing far too much on the physical rather than the emotional and romantic. And they create a perception of normal sexuality that is not in fact normal.
What to do about it
Be decisive and take action. Controlling your lust won't damage you, but it will take motivation.
- Stop using pornography
- Stop going into the situation where porn is presented to you
- 'Bounce' your eyes away from sexual material that unexpectedly confronts you
- Stop hanging out with the guys who push you into porn
- Get help if you find you are addicted beyond your control
- Adult site (used with permission) - address available on request