If you know where the land-mines are hidden, it is much
easier to avoid them. You can make it through
successfully and find your lifetime soul-mate despite the
powerful distractions all around you.
Boys are into 'doing'
Girls are into 'being'
Boys are into independence
Girls are into connection
Boys resist relationships
Girls value relationships
Boys are turned on by what they see
Girls are turned on by touch and romance
Boys are turned on quickly
Girls take time to be turned on
Western culture - purpose of girls
The saturation of sexualized images of females is leading
to body hatred, eating disorders, low self-esteem,
depression, high rates of teen pregnancy and unhealthy
sexual development in our girl children. It also leads to
impaired cognitive performance. In short, if we tell
girls that looking "hot" is the only way to be validated,
rather than encouraging them to be active players in the
world, they underperform at everything else.
American Psychological Association
Seemingly normal guys have grown up to see and understand
women as existing for their pleasure. (59)
The sexualisation of girls is not just shattering the
lives of girls and women, it is preventing boys and young
men from relating to girls and women as complex human
beings with so much to offer them. It is preventing boys
from forming healthy friendships and working
relationships with girls and women. Instead, it is
nurturing potentially violent abusers, rapists and johns?
(other relational problems). Ultimately, it means boys
are not free to be themselves, to know their own
humanity. American Psychological Association
Pornography prevents boys from forming normal
and healthy relationships with girls. Implicit (theme) in
pornography is the understanding that women exist to be
exploited and exist primarily for the pleasure of men.
They do not need to be embraced as friends or wooed or
admired. Rather, they are to be conquered, used and left
behind. Boys that immerse themselves in pornography are
not able to fulfill their God-given roles as leaders and
protectors. They are, instead, exploiters.
...she realized that men she dated just wanted to use her
to act out what they saw when they watched pornography.
They didn't care for her as a woman or even as a person,
but saw her only as a means to achieving their
porn-induced fantasies. Young boys and girls are growing
up now with this mindset. (59)
Most women (girls) have no idea how powerful and
pervasive (effecting every part of us) the sex drive is
for us men. Not a clue! (58)
no idea what it does to a guy when he sees some "illegal"
skin - even a bare stomach can trigger him off. The
present western culture encourages girls to dress to get
a sexual response.
Most guys have a lot of trouble with this - seems good in
the immediate, but causes lots of problems afterwards.
What a hassle it is - everywhere you look you get turned
on without meaning to. I'm having trouble controlling
this and with some girls you just don't know where to
look when you are with them 16 year old boy,
What should a guy do? RUN AWAY!
When a guy sees a girl dressed to seduce, no doubt he
looks, but the smart guy doesn't buy in to it. Is this
the girl you would take home to meet your parents and
extended family? Don't think that she will stop the
seduction game if you go out with her. This type of
personality is often high on the chase rather than the
result. If you go out with her she will still be seducing
other guys behind your back - that is what her game is
all about - conquests!
Girls like this are often still looking for their
father's attention and affirmation they missed out on as
a little girl. That need is transferred to any guy who
will oblige a sexual favor. Problem is, that need can't
be met that way, so the relationship with the guy has no
substance and probably won't last.
Pain - guy loses!
Some say it is like
buying a car - you have a good look at the flashy sports
model but probably settle for something more practical,
cheap to run and will last a long time!
Prostitutes/Girls with lots of sex partners
For some guys it can be hard to resist the attention of
this person who seems to want you like you have never
experienced before. If a girl is coming on to you like
this then wake up - she has already had sex with others
and she will go on and have sex with more after she has
finished with you. Pain - you lose big time
Sometimes well meaning "friends" will
pressure you to have sex with a prostitute because you
couldn't possibly go much longer as a virgin and still
enjoy life. You need to stand by your convictions and
take control of the situation. NO is the answer. If they
persist, ask them which part of 'NO' they don't
understand - the 'N' or the 'O'!
Remember, you are the one in control of your life - not
your friends. If you think your friends will like you
more if you do what they say then think again - they will
find something else to bug you about - that is their
nature if they are hassling you and their nature won't
Several girls at a Boston High School formed a pact to
get pregnant and raise their babies together. wbztv
19th June 2008, Time magazine report
This one made the news - there are plenty of other 1
person pacts out there. The girl sometimes thinks the
baby will give her the love she is craving!
How would you know a girl was like this? Very physical
with you, doing things to sexually arouse you, pressure
to have sex, coming on strong!
How would you feel at the time? Probably overwhelmed that
someone wanted your body this much! Hooked on the
How will you feel in the end? Used and abused with your
heart ripped out.
Joseph was a strikingly handsome man. As time went on,
his master's wife became infatuated with Joseph and one
day said "Sleep with me."
He wouldn't do it.... She pestered him day after day, but
he stood his ground. He refused to go to bed (have sex)
On one of these days he came to the house to do his work
and none of the household servants happened to be there.
She grabbed him by his coat saying, "Sleep with me!" He
left his coat in her hand and ran out of the house. When
she realized that he had left his coat in her hand and
run outside she called her house servants: "This Hebrew
shows up and before you know it he's trying to seduce us.
He tried to make love to me but I yelled as loud as I
could. With all my yelling and screaming, he left his
coat beside me here and ran outside."
When his master heard his wife's story....Joseph's master
took him and threw him into jail... The Message
Bible - Genesis 39
you might have to run physically and get out of a
situation or deliberately avoid certain other situations.
Other times you might have to run in your mind and put a
"wall" up so the girl knows you are not available. Also
stop flirting and giving signals to "come on".
Don't fool around with a woman like that;
Don't even stroll through her neighborhood.
Countless victims come under her spell;
she's the death of many a poor man.
The Message Bible - Proverbs 7
What sort of girl then?
become friends. Then become good friends. Then become
really good friends. She needs to be embraced as a friend
and wooed (seeking affection and love) and admired. This
takes time - lots of time and it can't be hurried. There
are exceptions, but the best long term relationships
appear to be when two become best friends, then marry and
start having sex together. The sex completes an already
great relationship. The sex with one who you have become
good friends will be much more rewarding than immediate
sex with a person using you to satisfy themselves!
Where are you going to find a girl like this in a culture
that says "do it now"? Clue - she probably won't be the
girl dressed to turn you on with a glance at her exposed
body! She won't be the one with her hand down your pants
She will be a girl living to some sort of standard and
big picture for her life. A committed Christian is a
possibility here. If you are a committed Christian too,
then there would be some common goal in the relationship
and purpose to both of your lives. You would both be
walking in the Bible standard of being "equally yoked"
together. (The term
is from old days when two oxen were used to plough fields
- if both oxen had the same purpose in pulling the
plough, all went well. If they had different purposes or
motivations, then nothing worked properly)
Sounds old fashion by the cultural standards continually
thrown at you? No doubt, but it still works - ask happily
married couples who have been together for a long time.
Give credit to your partner for keeping you happy, give
and forgive, enjoy spending time with each other, share
the same beliefs. Interview with couple married 60
years - Sunday Telegraph Feb 10th 2008 (Australia)
is when you hit if off with a girl and you seem to have
some sort of connection together. The feeling is great
and there is something you like about being together.
It could be love, lust, infatuation you are feeling. This
link gives a great comparison between infatuation/lust and love.
The link also has some great information on defining love
My "friend" finds a particularly girl really sexy, but
everyone knows she manipulates people by using emotions -
like you do what I want and I will like you. What should
"he" do? 16 year old boy, Australia
Tell your "friend" to stay away from her because she
won't change her method of relating to others - you, I
mean "he" is in for a lot of pain with a manipulator like
her! Finding someone sexy is not a reason to follow
through with a relationship. If it was a reason, then in
the future you will definitely be unfaithful to your
marriage partner - because all guys find someone else
sexy at times. Become friends with someone else who is
not going to use you.
That girl you really like
how when you really like someone, you have trouble
talking to them and feel uneasy in a way when you are
together. You can be great friends and then you
officially graduate to "going together" and things
change. Neither of you are spontaneous or feel relaxed
any more when you are both together - at least at the
The easy answer is - there is no easy answer! You need to
continue being yourself - after all, that is what
attracted that person to you in the first place. Be
honest about how you feel - they will probably be feeling
similar to you.
You need to learn how to relate to girls and that girl in
particular. It is not all about you anymore. If you want
the relationship to grow, then it has to be about her
now! Learn what her " love language" is and speak
her love language often.
Original plan - purpose of girls and guys
"It's not good for the Man to be alone, I'll make him a
helper, a companion"....God made woman and presented her
to the Man. The Message Bible - Genesis 2
Equals - a man and woman complement each
other's unique biological nature - physical, emotional,
mental. Together they are designed to share the highest
pleasure available on earth with their shared lives and
sexual relationship based in marriage.
From a Christian perspective, God has put you on earth
with unique abilities with a purpose to fulfill during
your life time. The right girl will add her abilities to
your abilities to more completely fulfill that purpose.
There is a unique satisfaction from finding and
fulfilling your unique purpose.
It is better to have a partner than go it alone,
Share the work, share the wealth.
And if one falls down, the other helps,
But if there is no one to help, tough!
Two in a bed warm each other.
Alone, you shiver all night.
The Message Bible - Ecclesiastes 4
If you want a girl friend to show you are cool or to show
you are not gay or to keep your friends quiet, then don't
go ahead! You and the girl will probably end up hurt and
worse off - you are actually using her for your own
If you want
to be friends from within you, then why not? Talk to your
parents or a trusted adult first. With more age on their
side they can see things more clearly than you can -
trust me on this one! We can often smell motives way
before they become obvious to younger guys.
Always remember that an adult who really loves you is
committed to making sure you don't do anything that might
give you pleasure! lol Really though, we usually look at
the bigger picture and help you to see from that
perspective because we want you to have the best for your
whole life, not just the present moment. You might find a
lot of fun playing near the top of a cliff - we want to
make sure you don't go over the edge and be affected
badly for the rest of your life - get the difference?