"I swear I woke up one day and everything changed. It was
like somebody put up a big flashing neon-light sign in my
head that said SEX. I was always turned on."
14 year old male, USA (2)
will develop into a man that has a full powered sexual
reproductive system burning inside of him and pushing him
in directions he never imagined!
The journey to manhood is compulsory and there are
numerous strange happenings on the way. A boy's
developing sexuality is not "black and white" but rather
has a lot of "gray" areas associated with it.
Here is a list of the gray areas that many boys regard as
Attraction to the same sex!
One of the first things which happens to a boy in the
early stages of adolescence is to have a strong
attraction to other males (usually older). A lot of boys
wrongly conclude they must be gay because of this.
This attraction is perfectly normal (called 'hero'
worship) and every boy will experience it, often at
different times to their friends. It is the first stage
of breaking free from your family! Your development takes
this form to satisfy the inbuilt need to shape your
emerging "man" identity from another male who has
qualities you admire. When your male identity has been
influenced sufficiently from the chosen male, there is a
gradual transition to the next stage - a growing
attraction to girls. This has nothing to do with being
'gay'. It is normal development for every boy!
Nocturnal Emissions (Wet Dreams)
About 50% of boys will experience "wet dreams" and many
will wonder what is happening to them. Others will wonder
why they haven't experienced them yet. Many boys will
worry about the dream itself.
For young adolescents, their sexuality is alive and
When you're my age, everything is sexual and makes you
horny. age 13, Michigan (3)
All boys will experience their penis becoming erect
(stiffening) at the "wrong" time and having 'a mind of
About 50% of boys will experience lumps
and tenderness under one or both breast nipples which
can last up to 18 months. It is often noticeable enough
to make them wonder if they are growing boobs!
Almost all boys will begin to masturbate during their
teenage years. Many will feel guilty about it and feel
like they can't stop even though they might want to quit.
Pre-cum (Cowper's secretion)
Most boys will get a small amount of fluid coming out of
their penis when they are sufficiently sexually aroused.
(Not to be confused with urine or ejaculation of semen)
The wet area it leaves on your clothes can be
embarrassing. The purpose of the fluid is a lubricant and
also to neutralize certain fluids within the woman's
urethra so the sperm will make it through alive
Nothing can be done to stop it happening when you become
sufficiently aroused. Wearing briefs (underpants) with
double layers in the front section usually stops the wet
area passing through to your clothes. Pre cum leaves
trails like "snail trails" or "little maps of Africa" in
All boys will find their thoughts and daydreaming
revolving around sex - much more than they used to!
Curiosity means that the thoughts will involve both male
Most boys become very self conscious and easily
embarrassed by the physical changes taking place in
their body. Even more so if people remark about the
Risk Taking Behavior
Testosterone (male hormone) can induce more risk taking
and competitive behavior in males. The hormone works to
make the boy complete over time - either a complete man
or a complete idiot if not channeled properly!
Sweat glands and testosterone (male hormone) gives the
boy a more characteristic male body odor. Underarm and
pubic hair are actually scent transmitters. They provide
a path for the scent of an oily secretion from the skin
in those areas to be radiated through the air.
The bad smell comes from the bacteria which lives in the
sweat from under your armpits and groin. If you have a
bad body-odor problem make sure you:
- Actually do have a real odor problem (ask a trusted
- Shower regularly
- Change clothes regularly
- Make sure clothes are properly washed
- Use "antibacterial" soap
- Use an "anti-perspirant" under your armpits (not just
- See a doctor if nothing else works (some diseases can
cause this problem - minor operations can be performed in
The voice gets deeper over a short period of time -
sometimes gradually, sometimes suddenly. Often random
high pitched sounds come out unexpectedly which can be
embarrassing. It's fun for us listening though!
All boys worry at some stage whether they might be gay or
whether they can 'perform' with a girl. Some worry they
may be becoming a sex maniac! Others worry there is
something wrong with them.
Information provided by a survey involving 34,706
students in Minnesota secondary schools revealed:
At age twelve, 25.9% of the children were "unsure" of
their sexual orientation. This figure declined to 5% by
A lot of boys worry about the age they start to sexually
Some can be shaving when they are 12 years old!
Some won't start maturing until 17 years old!
This can cause a lot of anxiety for the late maturer,
especially in gym class change rooms and showers!
Maximum Sex Drive
A male's sex drive reaches its peak
between 16 and 18 years of age and it will find
expression! This can cause a dilemma for those who want
to remain a virgin until they are married, especially in
a society that is marrying later than previous
Because of your sex drive, pornography will become very
Initially this would be from curiosity about other
peoples' bodies. Every boy will find that what he sees
can cause sexual stimulation.
Pornography is a misuse of a very powerful desire placed
within all of us guys.
I want my freedom NOW
This is probably my most common subject with young
Most teenagers want more freedom than their parents are
willing to give them.
Children given total freedom will destroy themselves!
Responsible parents give progressively more freedom as
the child demonstrates the ability to handle it properly.
It takes time to build the trust needed to gain a new
level of freedom and only one dumb event to tear it down
A common problem amongst rapidly growing teenage boys!
The brain knows exactly where a person's toes, fingers,
arms and legs are positioned and what they are capable of
performing because it has had years to fine-tune the
When an adolescent boy begins to rapidly grow, the brain
needs to reprogram itself to allow for the extra reach of
the longer arms and legs and the extra strength in the
It is a bit of a trial and error method of reprogramming
which exhibits itself as being clumsy and un-coordinated.
The brain will get it right again - it is only a
temporary (although embarrassing) problem.
A common problem amongst rapidly growing teenage boys!
The bones often grow so fast during adolescence that the
muscles become stretched and can cause pain, particularly
in the legs.
I read about one of the very high profile American
basketball stars who suffered this in the extreme. He was
in so much pain in his legs as a rapidly growing boy that
he had to walk with crutches for a period of time.
Obviously it was only temporary because he went on to
become one of the highest paid players in the league!
hormones got flowing in your body you used to have all
the normal emotions: happy, sad, angry.
Now the hormones are active you feel these emotion big
- Once you used to get happy - now you're REALLY happy!
- Once you used to get sad - now you become TOTALLY
- Once you used to get angry - now you REALLY blow your
- Once you could control the tears - now for some boys
the tap in your eyes is difficult to stop!
This is not a license to indulge these heightened
emotions - it is best to recognize what is happening and
try and stay a bit level headed through it all.
The need to be
accepted by those your own age group can become
overwhelming. Everyone needs acceptance, but when it gets
to the extend of throwing common sense out, then it has
gone too far! I'm talking about: throwing grades at
school because it's not cool to achieve academically;
having sex because you'll be called names if you won't
agree to it; getting stoned or drunk because you're
afraid of what the others will say if you refuse.
You are the one in charge of your body - no one else. You
will predictably have to make a conscious choice in all
of these areas to varying degrees as you grow up:
smoking, alcohol, drugs of all descriptions, sexual
activity with others, pornography, stealing, throwing
grades, violence. You must decide how you will respond to
each situation in advance! It is too difficult to decide
'on-the-spot' after someone throws you a can of beer!
We used to be friends
Adolescence is a
time when some friendships become strained and sometimes
During childhood, personality differences are fairly
minor and are easily overlooked. As young people grow
older, the differences become greater. For example,
a childhood friend may have indicated that it would be
cool to be drunk and nothing more is thought on the
subject. Years later, if that friend, once he is a
teenager, decides to actively pursue drinking sessions
then you have a choice to make. If that is not the
lifestyle you want, then a distance occurs between the
two of you since you now have less in common.
Teenagers mature mentally (grow up) at different rates.
If you have reached the stage where you think more like
an adult male (mature, independent and creating a future
for yourself) and your friends are still thinking as boys
(immature), then even good relationships can become
strained - you have less in common until the others
mature too and even then you might end up with very few,
if any, common interests.