"I swear I woke up one day and
everything changed. It was like somebody put up a big flashing neon-light sign
in my head that said SEX. I was always turned on."
14 year old male, USA (2)
Every boy will develop into
a man that has a full powered sexual reproductive system burning inside of him
and pushing him in directions he never imagined!
The journey to manhood is compulsory and there are numerous strange
happenings on the way. A boy's developing sexuality is not "black and white"
but rather has a lot of "gray" areas associated with it.
Here is a list of the gray areas that many boys regard as "weird".
Attraction to the same sex!
One of the first things which happens to a boy in the early stages of
adolescence is to have a strong attraction to other males (usually older). A
lot of boys wrongly conclude they must be gay because of this.
This attraction is perfectly normal (called 'hero' worship) and every boy
will experience it, often at different times to their friends. It is the first
stage of breaking free from your family! Your development takes this form to
satisfy the inbuilt need to shape your emerging "man" identity from another
male who has qualities you admire. When your male identity has been influenced
sufficiently from the chosen male, there is a gradual transition to the next
stage - a growing attraction to girls. This has nothing to do with being 'gay'.
It is normal development for every boy!
Nocturnal Emissions (Wet Dreams)
About 50% of boys will experience "wet dreams" and many will wonder what is
happening to them. Others will wonder why they haven't experienced them yet.
Many boys will worry about the dream itself.
For young adolescents, their sexuality is alive and unfocused.
When you're my age, everything is sexual and makes you horny.
age 13, Michigan (3)
All boys will experience their penis becoming erect (stiffening) at the
"wrong" time and having 'a mind of its own'.
About 50% of boys will experience lumps and tenderness under
one or both breast nipples which can last up to 18 months. It is often
noticeable enough to make them wonder if they are growing boobs!
Almost all boys will begin to masturbate during their teenage years. Many
will feel guilty about it and feel like they can't stop even though they might
want to quit.
Pre-cum (Cowper's secretion)
Most boys will get a small amount of fluid coming out of their penis when
they are sufficiently sexually aroused. (Not to be confused with urine or
ejaculation of semen) The wet area it leaves on your clothes can be
embarrassing. The purpose of the fluid is a lubricant and also to neutralize
certain fluids within the woman's urethra so the sperm will make it through
Nothing can be done to stop it happening when you become sufficiently
aroused. Wearing briefs (underpants) with double layers in the front section
usually stops the wet area passing through to your clothes. Pre cum leaves
trails like "snail trails" or "little maps of Africa" in your underpants!
All boys will find their thoughts and daydreaming revolving around sex -
much more than they used to! Curiosity means that the thoughts will involve
both male and female.
Most boys become very self conscious and easily embarrassed by the
physical changes taking place in their body. Even more so if people remark
about the changes.
Risk Taking Behavior
Testosterone (male hormone) can induce more risk taking and competitive
behavior in males. The hormone works to make the boy complete over time -
either a complete man or a complete idiot if not channeled properly!
Sweat glands and testosterone (male hormone) gives the boy a more
characteristic male body odor. Underarm and pubic hair are actually scent
transmitters. They provide a path for the scent of an oily secretion from the
skin in those areas to be radiated through the air.
The bad smell comes from the bacteria which lives in the sweat from under
your armpits and groin. If you have a bad body-odor problem make sure you:
- Actually do have a real odor problem (ask a trusted friend)
- Shower regularly
- Change clothes regularly
- Make sure clothes are properly washed
- Use "antibacterial" soap
- Use an "anti-perspirant" under your armpits (not just deodorant)
- See a doctor if nothing else works (some diseases can cause this problem
- minor operations can be performed in bad cases)
The voice gets deeper over a short period of time - sometimes gradually,
sometimes suddenly. Often random high pitched sounds come out unexpectedly
which can be embarrassing. It's fun for us listening though!
All boys worry at some stage whether they might be gay or whether they can
'perform' with a girl. Some worry they may be becoming a sex maniac! Others
worry there is something wrong with them.
Information provided by a survey involving 34,706 students in Minnesota
secondary schools revealed:
At age twelve, 25.9% of the children were "unsure" of their sexual
orientation. This figure declined to 5% by age 17.
A lot of boys worry about the age they start to sexually mature.
Some can be shaving when they are 12 years old!
Some won't start maturing until 17 years old!
This can cause a lot of anxiety for the late maturer, especially in gym
class change rooms and showers!
Maximum Sex Drive
male's sex drive reaches its peak between 16 and 18 years of age and it will
find expression! This can cause a dilemma for those who want to remain a virgin
until they are married, especially in a society that is marrying later than
Because of your sex drive, pornography will become very enticing.
Initially this would be from curiosity about other peoples' bodies. Every
boy will find that what he sees can cause sexual stimulation.
Pornography is a misuse of a very powerful desire placed within all of us
I want my freedom NOW
This is probably my most common subject with young people.
Most teenagers want more freedom than their parents are willing to give
Children given total freedom will destroy themselves!
Responsible parents give progressively more freedom as the child
demonstrates the ability to handle it properly.
It takes time to build the trust needed to gain a new level of freedom and
only one dumb event to tear it down again!
A common problem amongst rapidly growing teenage boys!
The brain knows exactly where a person's toes, fingers, arms and legs are
positioned and what they are capable of performing because it has had years to
fine-tune the settings!
When an adolescent boy begins to rapidly grow, the brain needs to reprogram
itself to allow for the extra reach of the longer arms and legs and the extra
strength in the growing muscles.
It is a bit of a trial and error method of reprogramming which exhibits
itself as being clumsy and un-coordinated. The brain will get it right again -
it is only a temporary (although embarrassing) problem.
A common problem amongst rapidly growing teenage boys!
The bones often grow so fast during adolescence that the muscles become
stretched and can cause pain, particularly in the legs.
I read about one of the very high profile American basketball stars who
suffered this in the extreme. He was in so much pain in his legs as a rapidly
growing boy that he had to walk with crutches for a period of time. Obviously
it was only temporary because he went on to become one of the highest paid
players in the league!
Before the hormones got flowing in your body you used to have
all the normal emotions: happy, sad, angry.
Now the hormones are active you feel these emotion big time!
- Once you used to get happy - now you're REALLY happy!
- Once you used to get sad - now you become TOTALLY depressed!
- Once you used to get angry - now you REALLY blow your cool!
- Once you could control the tears - now for some boys the tap in your eyes
is difficult to stop!
This is not a license to indulge these heightened emotions - it is best to
recognize what is happening and try and stay a bit level headed through it
The need to be accepted by those your own age group can become
overwhelming. Everyone needs acceptance, but when it gets to the extend of
throwing common sense out, then it has gone too far! I'm talking about:
throwing grades at school because it's not cool to achieve academically; having
sex because you'll be called names if you won't agree to it; getting stoned or
drunk because you're afraid of what the others will say if you refuse.
You are the one in charge of your body - no one else. You will predictably
have to make a conscious choice in all of these areas to varying degrees as you
grow up: smoking, alcohol, drugs of all descriptions, sexual activity with
others, pornography, stealing, throwing grades, violence. You must decide how
you will respond to each situation in advance! It is too difficult to decide
'on-the-spot' after someone throws you a can of beer!
We used to be friends
Adolescence is a time when some
friendships become strained and sometimes end.
During childhood, personality differences are fairly minor and are easily
overlooked. As young people grow older, the differences become
greater. For example, a childhood friend may have indicated that it would
be cool to be drunk and nothing more is thought on the subject. Years later, if
that friend, once he is a teenager, decides to actively pursue drinking
sessions then you have a choice to make. If that is not the lifestyle you want,
then a distance occurs between the two of you since you now have less in
Teenagers mature mentally (grow up) at different rates. If you have reached
the stage where you think more like an adult male (mature, independent and
creating a future for yourself) and your friends are still thinking as boys
(immature), then even good relationships can become strained - you have less in
common until the others mature too and even then you might end up with very
few, if any, common interests.