"The (unspoken) messages received by children who are
sexually abused will have a devastating impact on them"
Sexual assault is when another person deliberately
touches you in a way that goes past your personal
boundaries. This can include touching your genitals
(penis and testicles) or touching your backside and can
include sexual intercourse or exposing sexual body parts.
Sexual abuse may also include forcing a child to look at
sexual photos, pose for sexual photos or participate in
pornographic (sexual) acts.
Sexual assault can happen by an adult male or female or a
girl or boy older or around your same age.
Sexual Assault is always against the law.
You have the right to refuse being touched in any way you
are not happy about – whether you think the touch
involves a sexual component or not.
It is important not to confuse normal physical affection
for sexual assault. Everyone needs the loving touch of
another person to nourish them emotionally – to help us
feel good about ourselves. This good type of touch
however can sometimes cause an erection of the penis in
boys – because anything at all can produce an erection in
teenage boys! It does not mean the touch was a sexual
assault or that there is anything wrong with you or wrong
with the person touching you.
The fear of being seen as gay forces many boys to live in
emotional isolation and miss out on this appropriate
life-giving touch from others. This can progress to
problems with the boy’s perception of himself being
accepted as a male and all the flow-on effects from that
Media and Sexual Assault
The media has been very effective at exposing a hidden
problem which has damaged the lives of many young people.
Pedophilia (sexual assault against children) is a crime
that needs to be exposed and stopped. The publicity has
correctly caused parents and young people to be extra
careful in order to ensure all possible safety from
people who would exploit our young people sexually.
In some areas the public perception has swung too far in
the "be careful" direction. There is a generation of boys
who now allow the fear of pedophilia to stop all
meaningful relationships with adult males. They also
allow the fear of being called "gay" to stop meaningful
relationships with boys their own age. A boy needs to
know he is accepted as a male and this can only come by
"rubbing shoulders" with other males of all ages.
I suggest there is a middle ground that parents need to
find to encourage their child into the necessary adult
male interaction outside the family while ensuring
safeguards are in place. I know of two widowed mothers of
teenage boys who fostered their boy’s interaction with a
Christian youth leader in a deliberate attempt to meet
their son’s needs for an adult male in their lives. At
the same time, they came along to the organized youth
activities to "help out" and keep an eye on things until
they were satisfied their sons were in as safe an
environment as any parent can determine. Those boys have
since matured into balanced, normal young men who know
their place as males accepted in this world.
What happens when someone sexually assaults you?
Often you are left with mixed feelings –
it might have felt good at the time or it might have been
the most horrible thing that has ever happened to you.
Either way you are left with all these mixed, mainly
negative feelings. There may even be a freaky desire to
repeat the situation because of the "false intimacy" it
produced. It can feel like you are finally close to
another person if you haven’t been very close to other
people before. It can feel like your need for love and
attention has finally been met even if you have to endure
the horrible physical side of things again. On the other
hand, the experience may leave you not wanting to get
close to other people at all and you then go out of your
way to avoid another similar encounter.
Does this mean I am gay?
Guys often wonder if they are gay because they got turned
on when they were assaulted. "Does this mean I am gay
because I cum when this man sexually assaulted me?" Some
guys will wonder what it is about them that attracted
another man or sometimes a woman to come onto them in
this sexual way.
No – it does not mean you are gay if you felt pleasure or
even cum during the assault. Your body responds to touch,
especially the parts of your body to do with sex. For
example, your penis is very sensitive to touch and easily
responds when you or anyone else touches it in a way to
produce pleasure. The nerves in your penis don’t know
whether you, another male or a female is touching it. It
is just programmed to respond in a sexual way and then to
cum if the touching continues that far.
No – it does not mean you are gay if another male chose
you to sexually assault. It does not mean there is
something about you that attracts gays or pedophiles. It
does mean you were in a place that created an opportunity
for the other person to satisfy their sexual cravings at
your expense. It could have happened to any other young
guy in the same situation.
What are the negative emotions after being sexually
Shame, guilt, anger, feeling dirty,
fear, confusion, hate, revenge, murder and many others.
Remember, it is never your fault. These negative
emotions will rule your life until you get help to
Why did God let this happen – doesn’t He care?
God gave every person a free will to do with their life
as they want to – good or evil. There are consequences to
every person’s choices both for that person and for those
people around the person as well. An example is when a
country’s leader goes to war – many will lose their life
because of the decision of that leader. God generally
won’t intervene unless people ask Him to. Ask God to
intervene now in your situation – He is waiting for you
to come to Him. He saw your pain as you were being
assaulted. He felt your pain. How can He help you? Jesus
took your pain onto himself when He died on the cross!
That is why you can be free of it. Jesus took the load
off your back. Your restoration is there for the asking.
"Come to me and I will give you rest – all of you who
work so hard beneath a heavy yoke ("yoke" means a burden
that makes you feel crap) …… let me teach you; for I am
gentle and humble, and you shall find rest for your
souls; for I give you only light burdens" Jesus in
the Bible (Matthew 11:28-30)
What to do about it.
Firstly – it has to be stopped from happening again. You
have to take control of the situation where the assault
might happen again. You must stop going to the place
where the previous assault happened. If it is a boy or
girl around your own age they might call you frigid or
gay (especially if it was a girl coming on to you). If it
is within your family, then you may even need to leave
the situation with the support of a trusted adult or
counselor or at least get help to stop the assault from
happening again. Most countries have community or church
groups, government departments and telephone help lines
set up to help you if you find yourself in this sort of
Are there any adult friends you can trust who you can
tell about the situation? You need the support of a close
friend (preferably adult) who you can trust completely
and who will stand by you as you work your way out of the
situation you are in. Nothing is so bad that you cannot
talk about it. Counselors are used to dealing with these
sorts of issues, so they won’t freak out when you tell
them your story.
You have to take action to stop the assault from
happening again. The action must be legal – trying to
kill the person is not a suitable solution! There are
better ways to deal with things.
Don’t destroy yourself by escaping the sexual assault
situation and then going into a worse situation. For
example, don’t leave home and then live on the street or
at another house where you won’t be safe.
The situation you are in may be bad, but the decisions
you make from here must be ones that ensure your
protection and leave the way open for you to still have a
fulfilling and safe life. Choose life – even if there are
other easier options available to you to blot out your
Things you need to know.
It was not your fault. Another person has
violated your boundaries and entered your "personal
space" without your permission.
Don’t torment yourself that it was your fault – even if
you were actively seeking affection from the person at
the time. Adults have the experience to know when normal
affection can cross over to a sexual encounter and must
be the ones to protect your personal boundaries.
You should seek professional counseling to overcome the
effects on your mind and soul. This should happen fairly
soon after the events and ongoing over a period of time
if you later find you are having trouble overcoming the
You need to forgive the person who wronged you and any
others you perceive did not protect you when they should
have. This is important and not easy to do. It means you
choose to give up your right to pay back the person who
wronged you. For your own emotional stability this step
has to be taken otherwise you will suffer a life of
unrelenting torment. A counselor friend of mine describes
it this way "everything inside you doesn’t want to, but
it is a step of faith to choose to forgive".
The most effective way to restoration is to invite God
into your situation. Jesus came to heal the broken
hearted and set the captives free. The support of a
Christian counselor will greatly help with this step.
They will know how to dismantle the "soul ties" that form
when sexual activity occurs between two people.
In most countries it is compulsory to report to the
authorities if you have been sexually assaulted. Because
this website is viewed all around the world, I can’t give
definite guidance for every country on the way the
reporting is done.
There is a way out from the situation you probably feel
trapped in right now. You will probably need counseling
to fully overcome the effects on your mind. There are
people around who are used to dealing and helping with
sexual assault issues – they won’t think badly of you for
asking for help.
Unfortunately, you can’t ignore the fact you were
sexually assaulted as though it didn’t happen. The sad
truth is that you will have a high likelihood of doing
the same thing to your own or other children after you
grow up, unless you receive counseling help.
This crime generally gets passed on from generation to
generation unless it is deliberately stopped. Take the
courageous step to stop it in your life.
Jesus came to set the captives free